Let’s discuss

Please watch my IG video above so that you can understand today’s topic

Renee, how are you really doing today? are you ok?

In the video Renee mentions that she is part of a family but never feels seen or no one ever asks her if she is ok?

From that video I can tell that she has seen a therapist because of certain points she mentioned is what we as Psychologist ask about or try to explain to the patient.

One of the reason why I created my blog HAYRD is also because of those unspoken about topics.

Let us talk about is:

Self love

The importance of self love is so underestimated and we need to start speaking and teaching about it more, in our households, schools even in our work environment.

If I don’t love myself, how can I truly love somebody else?

If I was never shown or taught how to love myself or others, how can I apply it in my everyday life?

Some of us think that just have it but NO you don’t just have self love, it is felt, it is taught and it is experienced. It all has to do with the environment, house hold you come from.

Now that I am a parent, I understand how important it is to show love to my children because the first thing it does is, it reduces insecurities within oneself.

If I am criticised about my nose as a kid for example, guess what? I will grow up to being very insecure about my nose.

I previous wrote a blog called “Mirror mirror on the wall” on my previous website but will add it below:

Mirror mirror on the wall

• Do you wait for other people’s validation?
• Do you fish for compliments?
• Do you feel better when others validate your opinion? Ask yourself why is that? Why do you think you need others validating you to feel complete?

Take some time to yourself and try to go back to when you first remember feeling you needed X person’s approval or validation to feel complete… how old where you? What life event happened? for you to start feeling or waiting for validation?

Once you have something in mind try going in-front of a mirror and look at yourself. Look at that one physical feature on yourself that you like and compliment yourself! Do it a few times with a loud voice, when you are doing that try to believe it or fake it until you believe it.. just as the saying goes “fake it til you make it”.

It will take practice and it will take believing on what you are saying and being fine that your own validation is enough! Afterwards ask yourself “How are you really doing today?”. #HAYRD

When a parent, sibling or a person that you admire as a child – transfers over their insecurities in your life at that young age, it often is difficult to escape it.

This is why it is import to be aware, when it comes to educating our children. As humans we go through seasons of life and sometimes when you are going through dark times, dealing with a bad situation or are in a bad state of mind would you be speaking positively about the situation or person you believe has caused that? Now, Imagine if you are possibly speaking negatively — at that state of mind, you then go to speak to a child, there is high chance it wont be positive.

At that moment though the child may not know any different and may also believe in you. That is how we influence our children’s mental development. We can easily persuade a child on either, to not eat that food or to never smoke in their life or to never like ” X kind of man or women”.

For example, if I was telling my child x person is a nice person for the longest because you are dating and then you break up and you tell your young child, when they ask after them — “We dont say his/her name her any more” or “that person is a bad person, be very careful with them” do not just leave it like that, explain to your young child why that has changed.  Children are a lot smarter than we think! If you dont tell that child, why your child should not speak about person X anymore, well then you have already implied confusion.

If, your relationship with your child isn’t as open that they feel they can always come to you — this leaves the child with so many questions in their head and they may ask you or learn from the outside world. It is important to aim to be our children’s biggest influencers.

In the world, we all have a lot going on with school, work, relationships etc and at times you can feel a bit burned out. If you live in a household and you are feeling burned out and no one seems to care or no one ever comes to ask you “Are you ok?” there is nothing more painful.

From my previous blog :

HAYRD in other words “How are you really doing”. Have you ever found yourself just giving, giving and giving or doing for others but no one cares enough to stop and ask you – how are you doing?

Are you a really giving person? Always putting others first? Putting your family’s needs before your own? Are you always making sure, you take care of others?

Make sure that you take care of yourself too! The family grows up and they leave. *Set your own personal goals* and make sure you are happy with the “you” that stays.

Do you see me?

Sometimes we can be in a relationship and not feel seen or heard or at times we can be unseen from our own family?

• How do you cope?
• How do you carry on?

Imagine being part of a  family or big family but still feel like no one sees you or that no one actually knows the true you!

You do everything by the book 📖 but still it goes unnoticed – how does that make you feel?

• It is important to talk about it
• Therapy starts with talking 
• You are not alone, even if you feel like you are right now!
• There is somebody out there that cares about “YOU”
• You are valuable 
• You are kind
• You are loved
• You are needed 
• You are important 
• You are unique (You-nique)
• You are – you and no one can take your place

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you are loved

• Important to remember that this too is a phase/ a season and it will come to pass 
• One day they will see you
• One day they will hear you
• Just hang in there and keep being you
• You are needed
• You are important 
• You are loved
• You are You and there is no one out there like You
• -You-

It is import to feel seen or heard by those around

What I am telling you here is to make time for yourself to check up on yourself. 

Do not to wait for others to do that for you! It is ok to put yourself first and yes it is ok to be selfish at times to go and take whatever time you can get to just breath.

Self love, Self care, Self confidence and Self encouragement ✨ I promise you.. you don’t need anyone to help you rebuild your confidence or gain courage💪🏾 it all starts from within.. it all starts by believing in the words you are saying (self affirmation) .

Once you start believing in those kind words you are saying to yourself ✨ That is when you will start feeling empowered and the rest will #follow

At HAYRD (How are you really doing) we talk about everything, nothing is off topic.. bookmark my blog because soon it will be per subscription basis ✨

HAYRD is an open space to let our voices be heard (HAYRD). A place to share all the seasons of life..

Suggest topics and soon join the HAYRD Family.  There is a lot going on in the world already so positive vibes only is important to us. It may be that you are going through your “Summer season” in your life and all is going great for you, which we are happy for you!

However, maybe the person next to you is going through their “off season” and this is why HAYRD is a #positive space ONLY and no negativity will be tolerated. ❌ 

After the Pandemic and now a possible recession we need all the positivity and kind words we can get.✨

– DLY-