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The difference between these

two heartbreaks

One that is caused by a family member vs a partner✨

When you think about your mental state

What is the reason you are feeling down? A lot of times those that we love the most are also the one to cause us the most pain.

No matter the pain we always go back! Have you ever wondered why you go back? Your mind is telling you that, they are your loved ones so they possibly couldn’t be the one cause you to breakdown. You are self consciously making excuses and finding reasons why these people or that person is good for you, although you have experienced it and you have experienced why they are not good for your mental well being.

This world teaches us that our loved ones always want the best for us, however, this same world also teaches us that is not always necessarily true!

Let’s discuss

Please watch the “do you see me” video above so that you can understand today’s topic

Everyday people are hurt by their parents, siblings, loved ones but because they are the closest to you and they are the one that should be loving you unconditionally, it makes it hard to believe and when the time comes to cut ties it becomes even harder because they should be loving us unconditionally.

I love how the Christians teach us that, the only person that will never let you down is our Lord and saviour, so put all your faith and trust onto him.

We as humans put our love and trust in people and this is why we end up getting hurt by the same people that we claim love us.

The reason why self love is even more important is because when you love yourself enough, then you, yourself is enough and at times you, yourself is all of what you got!

I have heard it all, heart breaks caused by family members or heartbreaks by a close friend or even caused by a partner. I have come to realisation that prioritising self love is very important!

Loving God and then loving yourself is key 🔑 we all at times feel like “I love this person more then I love myself “ but is it healthy to love someone else more than you love yourself?

That is a big burden you are letting them carry… when you put so much onto someone, are we then surprised when we are hurt?

Those that are meant to love you, will always love you conditionally but it is important to care for ourselves and love ourselves too.

At times when you experience a heartbreak by a partner we find it hard to deal with because we fear or suffer from possibly not being able to replace that love however, often times we will eventually replace the old partner by a new partner but how do we replace a heartbreak from a loved one?

How do you replace a heartbreak from a family member? How do you replace a mother, father, sister, brother?

Most of the time we try to replace them by a friend and it still does not feel the void but what you can do is try to love yourself enough that even when you have to make such a decision that you make it with intention of getting your mental wellbeing restored.

Self love and self care really touches many aspects of our lives and that is why it is so important that we sometimes selfishly prioritise ourselves.

I have seen so many that would cut their arm for a family member but if the roles were reserved could you say they would do the same?

It is normal to love and give all to and for our family members and loved ones as long as it is not in the expense of your own happiness and mental wellbeing.

Sometimes our biggest critics come from those we love the most because we have labelled it “tough love” but that tough love is that really with the best intentions at heart?

Mirror mirror on the wall

Do you wait for other people’s validation?
Do you fish for compliments?
Do you feel better when others validate your opinion? Ask yourself why is that? Why do you think you need others validating you to feel complete?

Take some time to yourself and try to go back to when you first remember feeling you needed X person’s approval or validation to feel complete… how old where you? What life event happened? for you to start feeling or waiting for validation?

Once you have something in mind try going in-front of a mirror and look at yourself. Look at that one physical feature on yourself that you like and compliment yourself! Do it a few times with a loud voice, when you are doing that try to believe it or fake it until you believe it.. just as the saying goes “fake it til you make it”.

It will take practice and it will take believing on what you are saying and being fine that your own validation is enough! Afterwards ask yourself “How are you really doing today?”. #HAYRD

HAYRD in other words “How are you really doing”. Have you ever found yourself just giving, giving and giving or doing for others but no one cares enough to stop and ask you – how are you doing?

Are you a really giving person? Always putting others first? Putting your family’s needs before your own? Are you always making sure, you take care of others?

Make sure that you take care of yourself too! The family grows up and they leave. *Set your own personal goals* and make sure you are happy with the “you” that stays.

Do you see me?

Sometimes we can be in a relationship and not feel seen or heard or at times we can be unseen from our own family?

How do you cope?
How do you carry on?

Imagine being part of a family or big family but still feel like no one sees you or that no one actually knows the true you!

You do everything by the book 📖 but still it goes unnoticed – how does that make you feel?

It is important to talk about it
Therapy starts with talking
You are not alone, even if you feel like you are right now!
There is somebody out there that cares about “YOU”
You are valuable
You are kind
You are loved
You are needed
You are important
You are unique (You-nique)
You are – you and no one can take your place

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you are loved

Important to remember that this too is a phase/ a season and it will come to pass
One day they will see you
One day they will hear you
Just hang in there and keep being you
You are needed
You are important
You are loved
You are You and there is no one out there like You
-You-

It is import to feel seen or heard by those around

What I am telling you here is to make time for yourself to check up on yourself.

Do not to wait for others to do that for you! It is ok to put yourself first and yes it is ok to be selfish at times to go and take whatever time you can get to just breath.

Self love, Self care, Self confidence and Self encouragement ✨ I promise you.. you don’t need anyone to help you rebuild your confidence or gain courage💪🏾 it all starts from within.. it all starts by believing in the words you are saying (self affirmation) .

Once you start believing in those kind words you are saying to yourself ✨ That is when you will start feeling empowered and the rest will #follow

At HAYRD (How are you really doing) we talk about everything, nothing is off topic.. bookmark my blog because soon it will be per subscription basis ✨

HAYRD is an open space to let our voices be heard (HAYRD). A place to share all the seasons of life..

Suggest topics and soon join the HAYRD Family. There is a lot going on in the world already so positive vibes only is important to us. It may be that you are going through your “Summer season” in your life and all is going great for you, which we are happy for you!

However, maybe the person next to you is going through their “off season” and this is why HAYRD is a #positive space ONLY and no negativity will be tolerated. ❌

After the Pandemic and now a possible recession we need all the positivity and kind words we can get.✨

– DLY-